For many years, I followed in the footsteps of women before me and worked and cooked and stressed myself out on every holiday. I thought it wasn’t a real holiday unless the table was crowded with people and groaned under the weight of many, many dishes of homemade recipes. The house had to be cleaned from top to bottom and my children had to have a new outfit, many presents to open, and be intimidated into “company” behavior.

All this came to a screeching halt about ten years ago. Christmas 2003 was the last holiday that my children and I spent together. We had good food but the food wasn’t the focus. We had a few presents but there weren’t piles of them and the tree was a small all-in-one with ornaments that sat on a table. We made sacrifices to come together because we thought we might not have another holiday together. We were right. My youngest son died from cancer in September 2004. No amount of sacrifice has been enough to get us together for any Christmas, Thanksgiving or Easter since then. And for many years I have been very depressed during holidays. I was focused on what I didn’t have instead of what I did have.

Holidays aren’t about the piles of presents or the mounds of food. It is about the people but it’s about the people connecting and encouraging and loving each other. It’s about spending time together with laughter and stories and quiet conversation over concerns and lessons shared. Whether the table has a huge turkey or bread and baloney, if there are people who love each other sharing the meal and then leaving the table satisfied in their spirits, now that is worth celebrating!

So if at some future holiday I am blessed to have children, grandchildren, brother and sister around the table, I hope we are sharing a potluck dinner that is seasoned well with joyous prayer and laughter, maybe a few tears, and most of all the satisfaction of recognizing the huge blessings we have been given just to be with each other.

And until then, I’m going to be praying for the homeless and our military who also will not be sharing their holiday with their families. I hope they will be invited to break bread with others and find their spirits satisfied too. 

I don’t think about my age very much but the reality is I have lived almost six decades now. I’ve seen and read about many tragedies and horrific disasters. My innocence or naivete regarding life was shattered when I was sixteen and three of my friends were killed in one night in a car accident. I went to three funerals in two days. That remains a very vivid memory to me. The Vietnam War also made a huge impression on me as I knew people who did not return and everyone who did come back were forever changed. Earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes and tornadoes came and death tolls would begin with 10′s and rise to 100′s even 1000′s. It was hard to understand.

The school shooting at Columbine High School in 1999, the terrorism attack on September 11, 2001, the space shuttle Columbia’s explosion in 2003, the Virginia Tech shooting in 2007, the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting in 2012, my son’s cancer diagnosis and death five years later – all of these and more have happened in my lifetime and I do not have any satisfactory answers to my many questions. I can philosophize and theorize. Discussion can be helpful but no conclusion is ultimately written on a final chapter to close the book.

Politicians and commentators insult our intelligence with their soundbites and partisan debating. Lawmakers attempt to point a finger at a cause and legislate something that will make someone somewhere feel better that this won’t happen again. But it will. Not in the same way or in the same location but history shows us that terrible, senseless events continue to happen.

Not every question has an answer – not a satisfactory one, any way. Some people believe that if we just keep researching and learning that we will eventually figure it out. We’ll learn more about weather or psychology or disease or how to live with each other without making war or destroying this planet. It is un-satisfactory to live with words like random and accidental in the same sentence with tragedy. It’s interesting that no futuristic science fiction has been produced in a writer’s mind or a director’s vision in which tragedy is eradicated.

I want to say to my children and grandchildren that they are going to experience tragedy in their lives. They are going to be shocked, appalled and sickened. I hope they never reach a point when they aren’t when confronted with events like I have seen. But I also want them to know that despite a lack of answers or satisfactory ones, they will survive and survive with hope. They will because I, and so many other people who have been a part of their lives, have walked before them, shared their lives and faith in something, Someone, Who will never abandon them, no matter what happens. Nurture your faith so that it remains a living, growing support in your life when everything else around you is shifting. Nurture each other as a family that is there not only in tragedy but in the everyday with your love and your time.

I live with unanswered questions but I can live with them because I also live with love, faith and hope – and they take up more room than the questions.

Then there’s a popular book, Fifty Shades of Grey, that has become a trilogy of a modern love story that says love may very well involve inflicting pain, and that is OK. Or there’s the Twilight Saga that involves finding love with a vampire and converting to his “family.” If there aren’t enough movies and TV shows that spout a gospel of such love, we can always look to the Hollywood and professional sports families and aspire to be a Kardashian knockoff that moves from bedmate to bedmate reassuring all of us that no one gets hurt in such arrangements not even the children who must be a bit puzzled about what or who is a “daddy” this month.

True love is none of these things, nor is it Cinderella or Snow White, those fairy tales have their own splash of wickedness. True love is about faith and patience.

I am part of a publishing company that is producing two books that have brought all this meditation on true love to my mind.

Please Love Me by Kimberly Gordon Margaret Roe, left in an orphanage at the age of eight as her father goes off to war, finds herself still in that orphanage over 15 years later. Loneliness is all Margaret sees in her future and so when she sees an advertisement in a newspaper, Margaret steps out in faith and becomes a mail order bride. She marries an Iowa farmer with so much expectation that her dream was finally coming true. But her husband is not who he has presented himself to be and doesn’t love her. What does she do? Does she walk away and begin again or does she stay and wait and hope that her husband learns to love her? Though set in the late 1800′s, the questions and problem-solving of Mrs. Gordon’s characters are easily brought into the 21^st century.

Fifty Shades of Grace by Shauna Hyde Here a pastor, wife, and mother shares, in a very personal way, her own insights as well as what she’s learns from years of working with others on relationships. Rev. Hyde explores our concepts of love, our need for self-love and healing of past wounds, and how vital it is to recognize the subtleties of abuse. It is an excellent book for not only casting light into dark corners but bringing encouragement to each of us.

Love is not the overwhelming power that cannot be controlled in our physical bodies but it is a power of our spirit that can heal the most badly damaged heart. It is a gift that can be manipulated but can also be the purest thing when it is freely given without conditions. And it is always, always worth waiting for, and that may be the hardest lesson of all. Too often we look our life and believe that “30 is too late” and so we attempt to rush love or “settle” for less. Should we not wait for the best gift?

Love is patient,
love is kind.
Love does not envy,
is not boastful, is not conceited,
does not act improperly,
is not selfish, is not provoked,
and does not keep a record of wrongs.
Love finds no joy in unrighteousness
but rejoices in the truth.

It bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends. I Corinthians 13:4-8 (HCSB)

I believe that the best way to improve my life is to improve my relationship with God. If He is Creator, if He is Wisdom, then to spend more time listening and learning more about who He is, how He moves in my life and what His plan is for me would be a good plan. I have read or re-read four books this year that have helped me and so I am going to pass them along to you. I did not read them because I published them. I published them and felt the pull in my heart to read them just for me and so they became part of my study time.

The Sacred Journey by Chris Surber ISBN# 978-1-893729-85-8
I have read this book twice now and I am still learning from it! The author takes the Beatitudes section of Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount and guides me through a deeper look at my journey as His disciple.

The Church Under the Cross by William Powell Tuck ISBN#978-1-893729-21-6
Is The Cross the center of your fellowship? Churches that I have visited in the last five years either have a small gold cross standing on the altar like an accessory or no cross at all to be seen in their sanctuary. And that is a reflection of the emphasis that is put on what Paul says “is the power of God” (I Corinthians 1:18-25). This author takes us all to task for allowing our pastors and teachers to become insipid proclaimers of God. I can’t remember the last time I heard a sermon or teaching on the power of the Christ’s Cross. How about you?

Who’s Afraid of the Old Testament God? 5^th edition By Alden Thompson ISBN# 978-1-893729-90-2
This is the first book I ever read as a study of the Old Testament. I was a New Testament disciple, never realizing I was missing half of God’s Word! I was ignoring the Bible that Jesus read! There is a fundamental reason why Dr. Thompson is so loved by his students – he’s so very gifted. He says, “The test of my ministry (teaching) is not what I teach you. It’s whether I leave you loving God and each other more.”

Uncommon Questions from an Extraordinary God by Chris Bozung ISBN# 978-1-938434-06-8
One of our new books this fall that I began to study the evening we received the books from the printer. This was a study that kept me in the Word from beginning to end. I will be reading this again in 2013. I know there is more that Jesus wants to teach me through His questions.

From now until December 20, 2012 all of these books will be 30% OFF and shipping in the US is FREE. Go to EnergionDirect.com for this sale or these books are also available at Amazon.com and Barnes and Noble.  

When I committed my life to Jesus 17 years ago, one of the major changes in my life was that I devoured God’s Word. I read and studied every day. I invested $80 in a new Bible, used a highlighter, a journal book, and a commentary. I studied more in the next two years than I ever did in my high school and college years combined! I didn’t know it but that was a gift from God that kept on giving and even today, I could not put a price on it because the next seven years would be years of tremendous hardship and trials. I am convinced that if I had not had that two years of spiritual boot camp, I would have collapsed under the assault.

Unfortunately, after those seven years I was lazy and hit-and-miss in my study time. Life became busy and I had many new demands. So many reasonable excuses! Until I entered a season in which I am now. My life has become more isolated. I am not able to walk the city block to take me to the room where this Bible study group meets. I pray that I will be able to do so one day soon. But this temporary obstacle has shown a light on how valuable is the gift to be able to meet with fellow Believers and learn from our LORD and each other.

My personal Bible study time is important. Having that intimate study when Jesus speaks just to me, is priceless. But – As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. – Proverbs 27:17 (my paraphrase) is also vital to my spiritual health. If my study is limited to only myself as a student, then I can easily fall into the pitfall of my own wisdom that dulls the conviction of God. I need others to stay sharp in His truth.

And so tomorrow I will attend class with the help of modern technology, via speakerphone. Soon, I hope it will be by Skype and I will be able to see their wonderful faces. And I pray in the future, I will walk back into the group. And I also pray that I will never take my study time for granted or forget the importance it has been in my life.

I was grew up watching the Vietnam War on TV. It was the first war televised to the world. Maybe it is because it was on television or maybe it was because it was an “unpopular” war but I haven’t read about many Vietnam War heroes. I knew some of them. Family, friends who were drafted or enlisted and went to fight because of a belief in our country’s ideals just as young men and women did in previous wars, just as they are now.

This is a book written for middle school students. Mrs. Dalton does a great job of presenting the many facets of Adm. Denton, giving us a snapshot background of the family and life who, along with the Naval Academy, shaped him into the man that survived over seven years as a POW. Mrs. Dalton hit the right balance in her descriptions of his ordeal. I also liked that she answered my usual question of “What happened next?” by giving another snapshot of Adm Denton’s life after his release. The best endorsement I can give is that I am sending this book on to my grandchildren to read.

“Ben & Jerry’s, Chik-fil-A and Political Correctness” — Perry Noble, The Christian Post guest columnist 

The most important priority for a Christian parent must be your child’s spiritual health and eternal destination. And yet we spend more time and effort on supporting their scholastic, sporting, and vocational successes. It isn’t an either-or situation. They have a life to live here and now on earth certainly, but if we realize that in developing their spiritual life, identifying their beliefs and building their spiritual “muscles”, our children will be equipped to deal with life’s trials as well as successes.

I took my children to church from the time they were four weeks old. They attended Sunday School, Vacation Bible School, sang in the Children’s Choir and participated in plays. I did the “right” thing but not the “best”. Why? Because it would have taken more of my time and required me to study and consider my own spiritual health. I wasn’t willing to do that. Maybe you have never consciously thought of this. I hope you think about it now.

Do your children see church as “something we do as a family every week”? When your family has to make a change due to jobs or finances, do you pray about it together? Do your children know that you see the Bible as an important tool in your life that you use regularly or is it a little-used item on a book shelf? Do you discuss Sunday School the way you discuss Math or History class? Do you attend church with the same enthusiasm as you do a football or basketball game?

When my twins (girl and boy) were 15, I think they hated each other. That is a beyond hard thing for me to say but I was afraid to leave them at home alone because they “sniped” at each other constantly and John was so much bigger than Janet, if he lost his temper he could have really hurt her. Both of them were becoming more and more “secretive” as many teens will do. And if all this wasn’t enough, their parents were headed for a divorce.

Their Youth Director took them to an Assembly of God church for a revival service that had spontaneously begun three days before. We attended a Methodist church. They went back again the next night. And the next. It was about this time that I began to notice a change in their behavior with each other. I remember vividly that one night I called upstairs, telling them it was time to go to bed.

“In a minute, Mom” Janet said. (The light was on in Janet’s room.)
“What are you doing?”
“Reading.” John said.
“What are you reading?” Thinking Janet was helping John with homework (which would have been surprising enough!)
“John’s gospel! We’re almost done!” they said. My jaw dropped. It was then that I decided to go with them the next night to this revival. I was honest enough with myself to know that this was the only “different” factor in their lives. And so began a life-changing two years that has forever changed our lives as we continued to attend revival services and became more involved in our home church.

I still worked 50+ hours/week. Janet continued her commitment to 20 hours/week in gymnastics. John played basketball and baseball and played in the band. We spent less time in front of the TV. We survived the difficult road through divorce.

The “crucible question” that I had to ask myself as a parent was more about what was going to be my reaction to my children becoming radically committed to Jesus Christ. My church experience was mainline and marginal. I had never seen people sing and dance in church like that. Speaking in tongues and other gifts of the Spirit were not familiar to me. Was this a cult? Was this God? Friends, people that I respected, pulled their children out of this group and shut down “this craziness”, “this over-emotional religion”. But I could not get past the change in my children. They were suddenly respectful, kind, cheerful, obedient, working hard in school without being nagged, and doing chores without being asked! And as I listened to the preaching/teaching, I found the principles Biblical and the differences in worship tolerated. What would I do to encourage my children in this behavior? Join them. Put in the time to watch and “test” (1 Thessalonians 5:17) for myself and them.

What would I give up for my children? My time. My own ideas of what was usual in church and worship. I was willing to admit that I didn’t know everything but we would find the answers together.

I am now in the season of my life when my influence on my adult children is from a much greater distance. I pray more and speak less. I hope to be able to leave a legacy to my grandchildren that they knew I loved them so very much but I loved our LORD more.

Mountains in Virginia

I hope to be traveling more during this season in my life and I want to share some of the great places that I have found that may not be well-known by Travelocity, Expedia, and Kayak. Speaking of which, dealing with those “super-saver” websites are great as long as your online reservation goes through but if you have to call their Customer Service – the “super-saver” part does not outweigh the amount of time you will spend on the phone getting someone to understand and deal with your difficulty.

Here are the places we found as we traveled from Florida to New York and back again!

Days Inn and Suites, Worthington, OH 

We spent a night in Worthington, OH outside of Columbus, OH. We had requested a “Handicap Accessible” room as I walk with a cane and have difficulty getting in and out of a shower. I saw that the shower was to be “wheel-in”. It was not only “wheel-in” but had a shower chair in it. Doorways were wide. Beds were slightly higher than normal. All together the perfect room for someone who usually has to work with accommodations that may satisfy the “letter of the law” but do not help the person who needed the law in the first place. I made my reservation through Travelocity. The price was under $100 (even with all the various ‘taxes’ attached). ***** Five stars to Days Inn and Suites!

Chipolte Grill, Northfield, OH 

This is BY FAR the best Mexican fast food restaurant I have been to. It is much better than Taco Bell and Moe’s Southwest. The food is fresh, flavorful, and the “heat” is yours to add at your discretion. The chips are warm and crisp, not greasy. Staff is friendly and helpful to new customers. Find a Chipolte Grill near you and let me know what you think! *****Five stars to Chipolte Grill!

Brio Pizzaria and Restaurant, Lewiston, NY 

Have you ever been to an unfamiliar city and found menus in your hotel room for local restaurants who deliver? Do you interpret that as a recommendation and order something? We did and it was excellent! The pizza crust is crisp and loaded with good, chunky and fresh items with plenty of cheese. I also had some French Onion Soup that was rich and flavorful. ****Four stars to Brio’s!

The Portage House Motel, Lewiston, NY 

Lewiston, NY could define the phrase “quaint village” in this modern 21^st century. And the local Chamber of Commerce does an excellent job of promoting it as such! Accommodations are limited to this motel and some B & B’s. If I could climb stairs, I might have chosen the latter. This motel wasn’t the worse I have stayed in and my complaints are more about the poor attitude exhibited by some of the staff. Lewiston is located about 10 minutes from Niagara Falls and will certainly give you a beautiful alternative to the commercialism found so often around such a high tourist area.

By the way, if you have never been to see Niagara Falls, it is worth the drive or flight from wherever you have to come. Breathtaking does not begin to cover your reaction when you first see and hear this extraordinary gift of creation. *** Three stars to The Portage House.

The Attican Inn, Attica, NY 

Western New York farm land

Never have I found the true welcoming attitude of an innkeeper like I did at this motel. Located in a small, picturesque town in Western New York, it is so clean you could sit on the floor of your room and have a little picnic while the breeze blows through your window. We found ourselves stranded there overnight due to car trouble and the owner came almost 15 miles to get us and took us back to the garage the next day for such a small fee! A grocery store or 2-3 restaurants are within walking distance. Just a great experience in what could have been a disaster! ***** Five stars to The Attican Inn and ****** Six to the innkeepers!

Beans and Greens, Gadsden, AL 

Located on the outskirts of town, in a building that Guy Fieri would be glad to showcase in his show, “Diners, Drive-ins, & Dives” is this eatery with one of the best chicken casseroles, fried chicken fingers, and greens that I have had. Nothing fancy will be found here but you will find many locals which should tell you about the quality of the food. **** Four stars to Beans and Greens, ***** Five stars to their website!

Timothy’s, West Chester, PA 

What a great evening with friends we had at Timothy’s! The conversation was filled with lively conversation sprinkled with laughter and the food was surpassed only by the service. I had French Onion Soup was rich and hot and ribs that fell off the bone. I can’t say enough good comments about the server who was the perfect combination of attentive without being intrusive. We were there on a Friday night and it did get a bit loud around 9 p.m. – but we were ready to move on any way. ***** Five stars to Timothy’s!

Carolina valley

Copper River Grill, Easley, SC 

I splurged here and had a steak! I do not eat red meat much any more but the atmosphere was spot on with a flame-shooting grill that begged me to order one. And it was really, really good! The salad was crisp and fresh with a house hot bacon dressing that was outstanding. I soft, sweet potato rounded out my perfect meal. The service was unobtrusive and efficient. The best part of our time there, however, was meeting new friends who have now become lasting friends.

Wife, mother, ministry leader, and counselor, Nicole Unice brings her giftings, knowledge, and life experiences into a book that will peel you like an onion and reveal the source of your issues. It did mine.

I frankly did not think I needed Mrs. Unice’s help. I am very aware of my issues but I also thought they were my “messes” and mine to clean up. And I have tried to do so for many years. It hasn’t been working very well for me so to continue with my present plan would seem like a definition in insanity.

Whether through simple assessment questions or group discussion or her astute observations, the author took this “control freak” and spoke straight truth to me, much like I suspect Jesus did when He met various people along the path, looked straight into their hearts and answered, not the question they asked, but the question they needed to have answered.

I laughed as I identified with many of those whose stories are related in this book which only made me dig in to learn what I could do to make a change in my life and come out in a different place than where I have been landing.

Great book and I highly recommend it for all my fellow control-freaks!