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When Children Grow Up

I have just spent the last two weeks with my children.  They are 31-years-old and have children of their own.  By any reasonable standard they are grown.  The question that is running in my spirit today is:  Do I treat them like they are grown?  I am going to ask myself a few questions and see what they tell me.

How much do I know about my children’s daily lives?  This is where my ‘mother heart’ may conflict with what is truly best for my children.  I don’t believe I should know about the disagreements that my children have with their spouses.  I should not be giving unsolicited advice on marriage or child-rearing.  And ‘unsolicited’ should be the key word.  If my children want advice, they will ask for it.  It will not be some implied request.  They never had trouble asking for food or drink so if they need advice, they will ask for it!

Do I speak to them with respect?  When I speak to my children, do I speak as I do with my other adult friends?  Are our conversations characterized with mutual ‘give and take’?  That would mean that I am listening as much, or more, than I am speaking – or lecturing.  Do I just roll past my children’s ideas or ways of doing things, giving them the impression that I, of course, know best?  Do I wave the ‘I am older and wiser’ flag so frantically that I miss their own flag?


What prayers do I offer for them?  This is the most important question, I think.  Are my prayers a blessing or are they manipulative?  Am I asking God to bless them as He sees fit or change them the way I think they need to change?  Galatians 5:22-23 is a good reference!  Do I speak blessings over them every day?

Does the life that I lead express to my children who I really am?  First, do my children talk about me to other people or would they rather not claim me?  When my children do tell stories about me, would it be something that I want to hear?  Is it something I want God to hear … again?  Does my life speak of the One that I serve?  Do I walk my talk?

My questions have given me a lot to consider.  I will be listening as God’s Spirit convicts me of areas needing improvement and areas where I have learned His lessons.

I am so very proud of my children who have grown into a man and a woman who have gone through adversity and continue to walk God.  They continue to learn and grow, realizing that God isn’t finished with them yet!  God isn’t finished with me either.

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  1. Greetings Jody,

    This is my first time viewing your website. Grown children. It caught my eye. Quickly. I have a daughter who is 27 with 2 children, 7 and 5, and my son who is 26 with one child, 1. I have attempted to be a Godly mother all of their lives and especially since they are grown but it hasn't been easy. I treat them with respect and I love on them as they permit me to do so. I am very proud of both of them (they are not perfect but none of us are) because they are great parents. My daughter is saved, walks the talk, takes her children to church, and teaches them God's Word. My son is a different story. He says that since our household was a Godly home, attending church weekly, and lived by God's Word, he has decided not to go to church, etc. I pray for both of my children daily. Thanks for the opportunity to share this because having "an empty nest" is truly different. And God is so good all the time!!!!

    1. I have also learned that each child has a relationship with the Lord that is different, including different from mine. I should rejoice at whatever their relationship is with God. I know a young man who many might question if he is "saved". He doesn't go to church. He questions EVERYTHING! Frankly, I believe that as long as he is questioning, God can work with that! It is God's job to judge whether a person is 'saved'. It is my job to "go and make disciples" and that BEGINS and CONTINUES to be first and foremost — walking my life in humility, grace, and mercy with HIM! Being REAL before my children speaks much louder than my own voice. Allowing my children to see my doubts, even my anger, in my relationship with God sends the message that my relationship with Him is REAL and LIVING, ONGOING. I am not perfect and so my relationship with God is not either. I will ALWAYS have room to grow! God bless you and your children as you live with our GOOD GOD!

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